It's also fact that "where your focus goes energy flows" and creates more of whatever it is that you are focusing on--so, talking about what we don't want to feel (this week's show is entitled "Bottoming Out: Navigating Through the Down Times Without Depression") will merely create more of what we don't want to feel...which, in this case, is the nasty D word, but there are specific "things" that we need to talk about regarding the nasty D word--both fact and fiction that people have bought into so deeply they no longer have hope for healing of any kind...just merely an ability to cope with the illusive "good day" mingled among the days marked by "numb" or "sad"...both of which run the full spectrum of "barely noticeable/I think I'll be okay" to "zombie-like" hollowness and "paralyzing sadness" rendering one completely non-functioning.
Another rather interesting phenomenon, when talking about this "nasty D-word" is the "crazy 8" behavior cycle that people go into, and actually become addicted to this cycle of behavior. On one side of the "Crazy 8 Behavior Pattern", we have the nasty "D word"...and on the other side we have what I like to call "PMS on Crazy-Crack" where the individual actually defends their "right" to be depressed. This pattern is aptly named because, from the outside looking in, it is a cycle of "crazy"--or seemingly so, until one really begins to try and understand human behavior.
Humans--all gazillion-ish of us on the planet--want to be unique...differentiate ourselves from the "pack"...aka the rest of humanity, and there is a lot that allows us to be unique. Our DNA. Our finger prints. But...we really aren't different at all. We are all driven by the same 6 human needs--and we will all meet these needs in anyway we can (good or bad/healthy or unhealthy behavior) and we will all become addicted to any behavior (good or bad/healthy or unhealthy) that meets 3 or more of those 6 basic human needs...and I am not speaking of food clothing or shelter.
What are they then--these 6 needs--if we aren't talking about food, clothing and shelter?
(Excellent article explaining this is located here: http://training.tonyrobbins.com/the-6-human-needs-why-we-do-what-we-do/ )
The Six Human Needs
1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others
It is interesting to note that needs 1 and 2, 3 and 4 are exact opposites of each other, isn't it?
Another interesting point is that in meeting these needs, we all do far more to avoid pain (whether perceived or real) that we will to gain pleasure in the short term, but for consistent long term behavior, the driving force is always to gain pleasure. Why is this important to note we will go out of our way to avoid pain--again, whether it is real or perceived? Many times, we equate change or what we don't know with "pain"--and when we are caught up this "Crazy 8" behavior, we know what to expect, and changing our behavior to something unknown is pain.
Also, the "Crazy 8 Behavior Cycle" meets many of the human needs. Which ones?
Certainty--we are certain that we swing from one loop of the "Crazy 8" to the other (the nasty D-word to PMS on steroids). We also become certain that other's will come to give us attention in our time of need.
Uncertainty--each time we experience one of those emotions, the experience is a little different. So there is some uncertainty involved, too.
Significance--especially with in the instance of severe "D", we have a significant problem that is actually affecting our ability to live/function. In the case of "PMS on steroids/crack", let me just ask you this: have you ever been in a room when someone "goes off"? Their anger fills the room and they become significant, don't they? People go out of their way to either do what the person says or get away from them.
Connection/Love--this point applies especially to women because we live in a culture, especially here in the United States, where it isn't necessarily acceptable to show our true feminine or feeling side. As much as women's liberation did to "free" women...it did a heck of a lot more to stifle our ability to be women and feel. We are constantly doing and going and accomplishing and giving to others that we don't do and give to ourselves. During our "nasty-D" down times, we allow ourselves to feel all the repressed emotion and take time away for ourselves. Sure, it isn't the healthiest method of caring for ourselves, but being "D" is much more acceptable in our culture than having an emotion moment that is perceived as being "woman crazy" or taking an hour, day or week completely for ourselves because that is perceived as 100% selfish. Can I get an AMEN!?
Hopefully, this is all making sense to you, and in reading this and listening to the show, you'll gain some understanding of this "Crazy 8" cycle and "Nasty D" so you feel "powerFUL rather than powerLESS" (as Michelle Rosenthal says) over your life and can create a plan to empower yourself and live you dreams.
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The last point, before we move on from understanding human behavior/human needs to practical planning for self-care and self-love, is the power of language over our lives.
Did you know that there are more emotionally descriptive words in the English language than any other language on the planet? Yet, we use an average of less than 40 words to describe our experiences. Can you see how limiting that can be? Can you understand a bit how the same verbiage can and does create patterns in our lives? What would happen if you made a list of the words you use...one column of positive and one of negative descriptive words...just to see what words you use and try and see if there is a pattern in your life.
Now, take that list of positive words and find words that are "super-charged" and FUN to say. Do the same with the negative words but find words that are much more watered-down. Basically amplify the good and tone-down the bad. For one week, use your new set of words and see what happens...
Instead of "royally pissed off" maybe you'll be "a tad bit tinkled".
Instead of having a "pretty good day" maybe you'll be having a "super-dee-dooper, splenderifious day!"
See what I mean?
To drive this point home, I wanted to say that people who do not experience "the nasty D word" do not use the word. Seriously--a study was actually done to prove this point. There are also tribes that have existed for eons in Africa that have no word for "war"...and guess what!? They haven't experienced war...EVER.
Here is Tony's article on "Change Your Words, Change Your Life": http://training.tonyrobbins.com/the-power-of-words-transform-your-vocabulary-transform-your-life/
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The next blog post will have articles and points about practical planning for self-care. :-)
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