Crazy 8's, Questions & Cravings

While preparing to work on questions for our fabulous guests, I'll admit that I am feeling a bit intimidated because the success of anything really falls upon the quality of questions we ask. Even Einstein said that if he had 1 hour to find an answer or he would die, he'd spend 55 minutes thinking of a really good question because he knew with the right question, he'd have his answer in 5 minutes.

It's also fact that "where your focus goes energy flows" and creates more of whatever it is that you are focusing on--so, talking about what we don't want to feel (this week's show is entitled "Bottoming Out: Navigating Through the Down Times Without Depression") will merely create more of what we don't want to feel...which, in this case, is the nasty D word, but there are specific "things" that we need to talk about regarding the nasty D word--both fact and fiction that people have bought into so deeply they no longer have hope for healing of any kind...just merely an ability to cope with the illusive "good day" mingled among the days marked by "numb" or "sad"...both of which run the full spectrum of "barely noticeable/I think I'll be okay" to "zombie-like" hollowness and "paralyzing sadness" rendering one completely non-functioning.

Another rather interesting phenomenon, when talking about this "nasty D-word" is the "crazy 8" behavior cycle that people go into, and actually become addicted to this cycle of behavior. On one side of the "Crazy 8 Behavior Pattern", we have the nasty "D word"...and on the other side we have what I like to call "PMS on Crazy-Crack" where the individual actually defends their "right" to be depressed. This pattern is aptly named because, from the outside looking in, it is a cycle of "crazy"--or seemingly so, until one really begins to try and understand human behavior.

Humans--all gazillion-ish of us on the planet--want to be unique...differentiate ourselves from the "pack"...aka the rest of humanity, and there is a lot that allows us to be unique. Our DNA. Our finger prints. But...we really aren't different at all. We are all driven by the same 6 human needs--and we will all meet these needs in anyway we can (good or bad/healthy or unhealthy behavior) and we will all become addicted to any behavior (good or bad/healthy or unhealthy) that meets 3 or more of those 6 basic human needs...and I am not speaking of food clothing or shelter.

What are they then--these 6 needs--if we aren't talking about food, clothing and shelter?

(Excellent article explaining this is located here: http://training.tonyrobbins.com/the-6-human-needs-why-we-do-what-we-do/ )

The Six Human Needs

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure

2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli

3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed

4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something

5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding

6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

It is interesting to note that needs 1 and 2, 3 and 4 are exact opposites of each other, isn't it?

Another interesting point is that in meeting these needs, we all do far more to avoid pain (whether perceived or real) that we will to gain pleasure in the short term, but for consistent long term behavior, the driving force is always to gain pleasure. Why is this important to note we will go out of our way to avoid pain--again, whether it is real or perceived? Many times, we equate change or what we don't know with "pain"--and when we are caught up this "Crazy 8" behavior, we know what to expect, and changing our behavior to something unknown is pain. 

Also, the "Crazy 8 Behavior Cycle" meets many of the human needs. Which ones?

Certainty--we are certain that we swing from one loop of the "Crazy 8" to the other (the nasty D-word to PMS on steroids). We also become certain that other's will come to give us attention in our time of need.

Uncertainty--each time we experience one of those emotions, the experience is a little different. So there is some uncertainty involved, too.

Significance--especially with in the instance of severe "D", we have a significant problem that is actually affecting our ability to live/function. In the case of "PMS on steroids/crack", let me just ask you this: have you ever been in a room when someone "goes off"? Their anger fills the room and they become significant, don't they? People go out of their way to either do what the person says or get away from them.

Connection/Love--this point applies especially to women because we live in a culture, especially here in the United States, where it isn't necessarily acceptable to show our true feminine or feeling side. As much as women's liberation did to "free" women...it did a heck of a lot more to stifle our ability to be women and feel. We are constantly doing and going and accomplishing and giving to others that we don't do and give to ourselves. During our "nasty-D" down times, we allow ourselves to feel all the repressed emotion and take time away for ourselves. Sure, it isn't the healthiest method of caring for ourselves, but being "D" is much more acceptable in our culture than having an emotion moment that is perceived as being "woman crazy" or taking an hour, day or week completely for ourselves because that is perceived as 100% selfish. Can I get an AMEN!?

Hopefully, this is all making sense to you, and in reading this and listening to the show, you'll gain some understanding of this "Crazy 8" cycle and "Nasty D" so you feel "powerFUL rather than powerLESS" (as Michelle Rosenthal says) over your life and can create a plan to empower yourself and live you dreams.

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The last point, before we move on from understanding human behavior/human needs to practical planning for self-care and self-love, is the power of language over our lives. 

Did you know that there are more emotionally descriptive words in the English language than any other language on the planet? Yet, we use an average of less than 40 words to describe our experiences. Can you see how limiting that can be? Can you understand a bit how the same verbiage can and does create patterns in our lives? What would happen if you made a list of the words you use...one column of positive and one of negative descriptive words...just to see what words you use and try and see if there is a pattern in your life.

Now, take that list of positive words and find words that are "super-charged" and FUN to say. Do the same with the negative words but find words that are much more watered-down. Basically amplify the good and tone-down the bad. For one week, use your new set of words and see what happens...

Instead of "royally pissed off" maybe you'll be "a tad bit tinkled".

Instead of having a "pretty good day" maybe you'll be having a "super-dee-dooper, splenderifious day!"

See what I mean?

To drive this point home, I wanted to say that people who do not experience "the nasty D word" do not use the word. Seriously--a study was actually done to prove this point. There are also tribes that have existed for eons in Africa that have no word for "war"...and guess what!? They haven't experienced war...EVER.

Here is Tony's article on "Change Your Words, Change Your Life": http://training.tonyrobbins.com/the-power-of-words-transform-your-vocabulary-transform-your-life/

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The next blog post will have articles and points about practical planning for self-care. :-)

June 12, 2014 Show: "Bottoming Out: Navigating Through the Down Times With Out Depression"

"I was just born this way."

"I have a chemical imbalance."

"This depression thing is out of my control."

"I'm trying--but this is something I just can't seem to shake off."

If any of the phrases above sound like something you've thought or said out loud--you are NOT alone. In fact, "depression" is one of the most commonly diagnosed "illnesses" in the United States of America. It is also one of the most highly preventable yet highly medicated issues in our country--and really not just in our country, but all over the world.

What is so challenging about this whole "depression thing" is that there is a lot of information out there, and it is really hard to know what is "true" and what is "myth" or "propaganda". This episode of the show we are going to work to shed some light and provide some clarity on the subject--as well as discuss how to take back your power and avoid this issue all together.

Why though...why are we talking about depression?

The "ugly D word" is an issue we hear about so frequently--especially from the caregiver point of view. This issue is also comes up with other names...fatigue.... burn out... frustration... confusion.... chaos.... helplessness... failure...may the good Lord have mercy, this issue has so many names we can't even begin to cover them all.

What we know to be true in our own lives--and that is backed up by evidence in the lives of others, scientific studies and ancient truths taught by life transformation experts the world over is this: no matter what name anyone gives this thing we call depression, the problem is never solved by focusing on the problem. Focusing on the problem merely creates more of the same problem.

BUT! Don't take our word for it--let's call in an expert or two...

The first of which journeyed for 24 years before finding true and total healing--and now is able to call herself 100% PTSD-free. She is also passionately dedicated to helping others find their healing. Her name is Michelle (pronounced mee-shell) Rosenthal, founder of healmyPTSD.com and radio host for "Change you Choose". Her bio is below (taken from healmyptsd.com):

Michele Rosenthal, CPC, NLP, CHt

Founder, www.healmyptsd.com

Radio Talk Show Host, ‘Changing Direction’ 

Advisory Board, Hope4PTSDvets.org, St. Clair Butterfly Foundation

Faculty Member, Clinical Development Institute, Timberline Knolls 

Wondering why I care so much about PTSD, and what qualifies  me to talk about it as much as I do? Here’s the answer…

In 1981 life really shocked me: I was 13 years old when I found myself struggling to survive Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis Syndrome, a freak allergy to a medication that turned me into a full-body burn victim almost overnight. None of my doctors had ever seen a case. By the time I was released from the hospital 3 weeks later I was a very different girl. The kid I had been was gone. The girl in her place was a complete stranger.

It didn’t take long for insomnia, intrusive thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks to set in. I didn’t tell anyone. I was determined to go back to who I’d been before my illness, so I avoided all mention of my trauma, pretended the past was behind me and ran as fast as I could into the future.

Within 5 years I was a complete and total insomniac, anorexic, melt down mess. Over the years everyone thought I was a difficult teenager, and then a temperamental artist, and then just a really moody woman. The therapists my parents forced me to see didn’t recognize my classic symptoms of PTSD.

By my mid-twenties the stress of constant hypervigilance and hyperarousal, the lack of sleep, the unrelenting on-the-go lifestyle I lived so that I did not have to be alone with my thoughts began to entirely undermine my health. By the end of my twenties I was very ill: my hair was falling out, my liver, stomach and small intestines were in various stages of dysfunction. I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, and possible liver cancer (both of which turned out to be false, psychosomatic symptoms). By my mid-thirties I had developed advanced osteoporosis because, unable to get the nutrition it needed, by body pirated the minerals in my bones.

Still, none of the specialists or psychologists we consulted and with whom I worked recognized my symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress. In desperation I began to do my own research. It was my proactive, self-empowered search for information and help that led to my PTSD diagnosis. Finally, after 24 years of living without understanding what was wrong with me, I had a name for my insanity.

Receiving my diagnosis was only the beginning of my healing journey. Literally, the journey took me from New York City to Palm Beach, Florida. In the end, it required 10 modalities and quite a few practitioners to get me to where I am today: 100% PTSD-free.

Now that I’m on the other side of healing I’m devoting my career to giving back and pulling together all the information anyone would need to discover what there is to know about symptoms of PTSD, treatment options and the path to feeling better. I share what I learn all over this web site, and also in my weekly newsletter. You can subscribe to Heal My PTSD for free to have this info delivered straight to your inbox.

Here’s how Heal My PTSD came into existence:

Me and my dance partner, John

I learned a lot during my PTSD recovery. I learned about the importance of hope and belief – from inside myself and from those working with me. I also learned about the critical element of self-empowerment and how we can harness its strength and apply it to PTSD recovery.

By the time I came out of the dark PTSD fog I’d learned a lot about what it takes to release the past, connect to the present, and build a new future. I’d also developed a really deep desire to do something with all that knowledge. I began blogging about my recovery; people responded. We got into conversations and I realized that the best thing I could do with what I learned was give back. And so, www.healmyptsd.com was born. I built the site I wished I had when I was diagnosed: something easy to read and full of information about PTSD symptoms, PTSD treatment options, and PTSD recovery support. Read about my personal posttraumamatic stress disorder history and mission.

The response to Heal My PTSD was overwhelming and positive. It didn’t take long for me to understand that this site was only the beginning of my post-PTSD journey. In order to really be equipped to give back I’d have to become professionally certified to help people. So that’s what I did. In order to become a PTSD Coach I studied to practice as a Certified Professional Coach, Certified Hypnotist, and Certified Neuro-Linguistic Programmer. Basically, I learned how to help survivors access their healing potential through methods that empower, strengthen, and harness the creativity of both the conscious and subconscious minds.

Now, as a mental health advocate, professional keynote speaker, award-winning blogger, award-nominated author, workshop/seminar leader and certified professional coach I use my personal experience, education, professional training and research to help survivors learn to cope with, manage and strategize the PTSD recovery process. Geez, I love my job! Partnering with survivors to help them take back their power and learn to live with courage, confidence and imagination gives me a sense of joy as powerful as letting me loose on a dance floor.

Here is an amazing piece on Complex-PTSD and whether or not it can be healed: http://www.changeyouchoose.com/what-is-complex-ptsd-can-it-be-healed/

More information can be found about Michelle here: http://www.changeyouchoose.com/about-michele/

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Our second guest is known throughout the Military Community as "The Direction Diva" and has been honored as Fort Carson, Colorado's Military Spouse of the Year for 2013 & 2014. Her name is Judy Davis and her bio--taken straight from thedirecitondiva.com--is below:

As a Motivational Speaker, Author, Lifestyle Blogger and Advocate I LOVE sharing my life and providing support to the military community all over the world.

My mission is simple:

To support, inspire and motivate military spouses

In addition to being a resource for today’s military communities I working with companies, organizations and brands to develop effective strategies for connecting with and serving the unique needs of today’s service members, veterans and their families.  I become the bridge to the military community that companies are looking for and can do so in the following ways:

As an active duty military spouse and involved military advocate I understand the needs and challenges of our community and can provide the insight and expertise you are looking for.  Whether you are a military spouse in need of direction or a company trying to understand and serve this community I can help.

5 Things About Judy’s Experience You May Not Know

1. We traded in our “corporate” life to become a military family and support my husband’s dream of serving as Active Duty in the US Army during wartime after his 19 year break in service.
2. My love for speaking began over 10 years ago when I was a successful leader and trained a team of over 1200 consultants with a well-known Network Marketing company. (Yeppers, I earned the car  )
3. I successfully juggle the daily demands of being a military spouse, mom, empty “nest”er, puppy owner, army wife, first time grandma and menopausal diva with owning and operating 3 small businesses, an active online community, and a blog.
4. I have learned to create boundaries, deal with devastation, find balance and step up in a supportive role when faced with some of life’s biggest challenges and often share these true stories when I speak or write in hopes that my experiences will help someone else.
5. I have been an Entrepreneur and empowerment specialist for over 18 years creating businesses that were both successful as well as one HUGE complete failure that led to financial ruin only to come back stronger and more resilient.

Take some time browse the site, and then connect with us in a way that works for you. Our side bars are filled with great resources, and you will find links more T.I.P.s on my Facebook Fan Page and in the posts on my Blog .
I’m honored to be in your space and on your radar and I look forward to supporting you on your journey!

Judy Davis

 

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We are so honored to have these brilliant, marvelous, passion and incredibly dedicated women on our show!

Looking for more ways to stay connected...

Twitter: @BattleBeyond -or- @BattlingBARE
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BattleBeyondRadioShow -or- facebook.com/BattlingBARE
Blog: http://battlebeyondradioshow.blogspot.com/

E-mail: producer@blogtalkradio.com

Meet the Battle Beyond Hosts!!!

The show airs this week! 

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Tune in here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/battlebeyondradioshow/2014/06/05/moo-moos-mental-health-monkey-business-making-sense-of-mayhem

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It is so hard to believe that this project gets off the proverbial ground this week! This radio show is something that the entire Battling B.A.R.E. Executive Team has talked about for nearly 2 years! Now it is finally happening with a team of crazy awesome gals! 

Here is a bit of the story behind the show...

Once upon a time, I (Ash Wise) posted a crazy picture that looked something like this....(this version has the explanation of all the symbolism behind the picture)

The intent was to release some pent up anger regarding the handling of my request for help regarding my hubby's PTSD and to find a small (let me repeat that SMALL) circle of gals who were dealing with the same struggles. What resulted was literally a global movement that touched 55 million people worldwide!

The initial goal of "a small circle" of friends was me, too. Some of the gals that make up that "inner circle" make up the panel of hosts for our "Battle Beyond" Radio Show--I'll introduce them to you in just a minute.

Back to how the show idea came about...

We would be talking during planning meetings or just "girl talk" time, and each of us would find ourselves saying at different points in time, "We should be recording this! Other gals need to hear about our crazy lives so they know they aren't the only ones who deal with this stuff!"

-or (typically after a misunderstanding regarding a Facebook Post)-

"I wish there was a way to communicate with people so that they could hear our tone of voice and how we interact with each other--so much of communication is taken away on Facebook because it is just words. People need to hear how we interact and hear that we bounce ideas off each other and really don't always have the answer, but together, we find a way to make it work!"

So, after 2 years of working almost exclusively on Facebook, we decided it was finally time to launch a radio show, and BAM! everything started to fall into place.

So, now it is time for you to meet our crazy awesome panel of hosts!

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Introducing: 

Cheryl Hays

Cheryl has been a proud military wife for 15 years and is the mother of three incredible children, one with special needs.  With the heart of a philanthropist, she has gladly shared her talents with her family’s military and civilian communities. Cheryl has held several FRG (Family Readiness Group) leadership positions to include Leader/Co-Leader, Event Planner, deployment POC (Point of Contact), and Treasurer.   She has also served as a Den Leader, Secretary/Treasurer and Committee Member for her son’s Boy Scout Pack and Troop as well as a Girl Scout Leader for her daughter’s Troop.  Having a son with special needs gave her the opportunity to help create and serve on the board of the school system’s Exceptional Children Parent Advisory Council as well as the Special Education PTA; which, after realizing the need, inspired her to start the only Special Needs Girl Scout Troop in her area.

While striving to make a difference in her community, Cheryl was also fighting a silent war at home when it came to her husband’s struggle with PTSD, which had manifested itself after his 2003 deployment to Iraq, until she came upon the Battling BARE organization in its infancy in 2012.  She once again gave her talents and served as COO of Battling BARE until the war at home demanded that she focus solely on herself and her family.  She has once again taken up the torch to ensure wives and children of those who live with mental health issues understand that they, too, are not alone, have worth and can not only survive their circumstances, but be victors in their own lives.

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Introducing:

Ambra Roberts

Ambra Roberts is a mother of three amazing children, and is the wife of a Wounded Warrior at Fort Benning, Georgia. She is serves as a voice for Military and Veteran families dealing with PTSD, TBI, depression, and suicide.  She has been a military advocate for 4+ years and is still going strong.  Ambra has been named the 2013 & 2014 Fort Benning Spouse of the Year by Armed Forces Insurance and Military Spouse Magazine.

Ambra’s 13 year old child attempted suicide on her husband’s R&R from Afghanistan.  This traumatic experience inspired her to work towards making a difference in the lives of other families facing these same struggles. Ambra started the first suicide awareness walks at Fort Benning, which provide mental health resources to military families.  Ambra became a Field Advocate for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, a T.A.P.S. Volunteer /Caregiver to families of Fallen Military, and is also a PTSD Peer Group Facilitator for Hearts of Valor Caregiver Support Groups.  She currently serves on the Executive Board for South Atlantic Center for Veterans Education and Training (SACVET), which is a non-profit that provides support and resources to homeless / disabled Veterans in the Columbus, Georgia area.  She is also a PTSD Peer Group Facilitator for Hearts of Valor Caregiver Support Groups. Ambra has been successful in advocating for our Military and now assists others in doing the same. 

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 Introducing:

Melissa Bourgeois

Melissa Bourgeois has been married for almost 10 yrs to Eric Bourgeois and have three beautiful children.  A few of years after the birth of their first child, Eric joined the Military where he was station in Vincenza, Italy. Having no experience with Military life prior to her husband’s enlistment, Melissa dove head first into getting involved and learning as much as she possibly could about life as a military family. One of her first volunteer positions was as the FRG (Family Readiness Group Leader) for her husband’s company where she helped to run fundraisers, educate families, assist Soldiers in gather all the necessary paperwork to bring their family over to Italy. During her stay in Italy, Melissa’s husband faced 2 deployments totaling 30 months of separation. After his second deployment, Eric was diagnosed with severe and chronic PTSD.   

Not understanding much about PTSD outside of how hard PTSD was no her whole family, Melissa jumped head first into learning about PTSD—reading everything she could get her hands on about the issue.  Within 6 months of Eric’s diagnoses the family received orders to Fort Campbell, Kentucky where Melissa’s husband was deployed a third time.   Soon after arriving to Fort Campbell, Melissa realized that PTSD had taken over her life and not just her husband’s life.  So Melissa did what she always does, she began researching—but this time her research wasn’t to understand PTSD or how to help her husband. This time, her research was how to get her own life back while loving someone who has PTSD. 

In the midst of her research, Melissa stumbled upon a picture that was posted on a Facebook group’s page.   It was at first glance a picture of a half naked woman.  Upon further inspection this woman had a pledge written on her back…to Melissa the pledge said everything. This picture and pledge was the picture that started the Battling BARE Movement.  Battling Bare gave Melissa the platform she was looking for to share all this information she had learned via her research--to give other military wives like her the information they needed to love themselves and someone with PTSD.   She has been on this journey of learning, teaching and sharing her knowledge of PTSD and self love for 2 years.  Melissa plans on continuing this adventure and learning what her future holds.

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Introducing:

Ash Wise

Ash Wise has been married to Rob for the past 8 years. They are relocating to Carthage, Missouri with their 3 children now that Rob has retired after serving the last 20 years in the military.

Ash has been an active philanthropist throughout her life serving in various positions and on

numerous committees for non-profits and Family Readiness Groups during her nearly 12

years as an Army wife. She is humbled and honored to serve others dealing with the daily

challenges of primary and secondary PTSD no matter the cause.

The quintessential entrepreneur, Ash’s natural business sense, vast array of skills and

talents, along with her uncanny ability to retain information and learn at lightening speeds

has caused others to call her a prodigy, but for those that know her best, Ash is simply Ash—

devoted mother, wife and friend who is painfully honest, grounded, humble, loyal and loving.

A native of Corpus Christi, Texas but having grown up in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, Ash’s

North/South perspective on American culture has given her the ability to get some of the

most unlikely people to work together for a common goal. She is looking forward to the Battle Enterprises Incorporated has in store.

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We have a few more gals joining the show later on this summer, but I will wait to introduce them.

We cannot wait for this show to start and are so excited to hear from all the gals out there--this show is all about you ladies!

In the mean time, have a fantastic month of PTSD Awareness Raising!

...and remember that you are enough!

Love with PASSION!

Live with PEACE!

And dare to DREAM...for you are WORTHY of everything you dream, imagine, long for and so much more!

With All Our Love,

The Battle BARE Babes

Brand Spankin' New!

Rather than have y'all land on a page with a whole heck-of-a-lot-a nothing, we are opting to post our promo sheet! We have 15, 30 and 60 second slots available to promote your organization, event, public service announcement or heartfelt thank you to our Military Women and Spouses!

Please contact us for information! We would love to help spread your message!